I know this is a bit selfish but I dedicate this post to myself. I've just recovered from a mini life breakdown.. Ironically after my last blog post on how I survived two weeks without my phone, I have found myself in the same position.. once again. I have no phone this week but it's a lot easier this time. The one thing I semi-missed out in that post is the fact that you are no longer distracted and you have a lot more time to 'think'. That is exactly what I did this evening and I fully psyched myself out.. Now that I've come to my senses and I have my favourite pick-me-up-make-me-glow-sheet mask, my raspberry and vanilla candles burning and Drake - Signs playing in the background it's time to get real.. this is a reminder to yourself Miriam.


So at which point exactly do I work out what I want to do with my life? Lol I'm a small child playing grown up. Bruh I actually need to find someone to cook for me everyday because this is too much for me.. God please send me the strength to my ass to work tomorrow, because I. really. cannot. Why have I not applied to any graduate schemes yet? Miriam what do you actually want? Miriam what are you even doing here? You have a home and family that love you but here you are choosing the London grind. Why?


Look at your age mates.. they are creating life, they are finding love, they are uniting, getting married.. and your biggest decision of the day is which lipstick you're going to wear and how dramatic to make your eyeliner today. Girl please it's time to get serious now! What am I even gonna eat tonight? Miriam please for the love of God do not mess up this rice, it's not every week we must throw away the pot away because you f****d it up! Girl you're actually weirdddd! But it's a good weird right? Wait hold on, maybe that's why I'm still single? Wait.. Lord why am I still single? Should I be worried?


 Why can't I have perfect eyebrows without having to do the most? I wish I had bigger hips, a bigger bum, a fuller chest, a smaller waist, skinnier legs.. Can these dark circles just disappear now pls! I wish I had nicer teeth. I wish my forehead was smaller. How can I get rid of this eczema on my legs?


Let's stop here.
You are saucy Miriam, hella saucy. 
Yes, this also goes to you too.. 
You are saucy (Insert name here), Hella saucy.
It's not everyday that these statements roam through your head, but they do every once in a while and whenever they do, acknowledge them, but do not beat yourself up. Remember what I'm about to say.


You are amazing just the way you are.. Where you are now and who you are today is not a mistake and you have to love every aspect of yourself today. Yes you might not have perfect teeth but you have a beautiful smile; you might have eczema scars on your legs but be grateful that they're working perfectly and they are toned; you might have dark circles from all the late nights but you have beautiful skin and gorgeous eyes. Yes you might be single but at least you can sleep at night knowing no-one is cheating on yo ass (i'm joking!) what I meant to say is at least you are not in bad company and you can have the duvet all to yourself! 

There is a time and a place for everything, for everyone. As tempting as it is you cannot look at your age mates and try and play catch up with them, do you even know if what you're trying to 'catch up' to is real? Is that even your portion? Will it really make you happy? Think about it.


If you don't find happiness with who you are today, no matter what you change in your life or in your appearance there will always be something else you won't be happy with and want to change. Yes you can go under the knife and join the Kardashian clan and have a teeny waist, bigger breast, hips and bum; it's only a matter of time before you desire something else right? Perkier breast.. another inch off your waist.. an extra two on the hips.. it's a vicious cycle and you will still not be happy with yourself and feel love towards yourself and your body. What happens when this current hype dies and 'skinny' is in again?


NEVER live your life by others opinions and expectations. No one holds the power of how you feel about your-damn-self other than you. The definition of sexy, beautiful, desirable; the definition of serious saucy sauce to yourself is yourself. Every damn aspect of yourself!  Do you hear me? You are dripping with swagoo-sauce even with your gap tooth, small hips and your B/C cup chest.


This doesn't just apply to your appearance.. your life, your personality, your qualities, your attributes are 'hella saucy' too. Your kind nature, your passion for fashion (lol Bratz! if you know you know), your obsession with skincare, your ambitions, your visions, your upcoming business, your imagination, the way your brain works.. Every aspect of your life, from where you work right now, to where you live, to what your passions are, what makes your heart tingle, what makes you stomach flutter with joy is no mistake. Yes even the 'weird' things.. These do not make you less than. It makes you... YOU. So be grateful, and be thankful that God has made you, you and not anybody else.


One last thing, it's easy to look at where you are and where you want to be or think you should be and feel like you're failing, but don't forget to look back and see how far you have come.

You are doing great sweetie, keep it up!
Lots of love and a huge warm hug.